Silent Strangers
by staceycj
Summary: Tag 4X14 Angsty


Dean cleared his throat and looked up from the computer, "Uh, Sam." Sam looked up from the newspaper and locked his eyes on his brother. Ever since the siren, speaking to one another was on a very minimal basis, and Sam had to admit that he missed hearing his brother's voice, hearing his inane conversation. Dean even quit listening to his music in the car, the ipod was back and it played whatever Sam wanted to hear. It shamed Sam. Completely shamed him, his brother was giving in, allowing himself to become nobody, and letting Sam dominate everything.

"Yeah?" he asked.

"Looks like there might be some demon activity in Georgia."

"I found what looks to be a haunting."

"The haunting can wait. Let's go get the demon."

"Dean. We don't have to get the demon right now." That was another change. Dean tried to find demons now, tried to prove that he wasn't weak, that he wasn't afraid of the demons. Dean stood and began unplugging and turning off the laptop.

"Yeah, we should get on it. I mean, there is an army out there and we need to get as many of them back in hell as possible." He was quiet after that. Packing weapons and clothes back into the duffels.

Sam sighed inwardly. He was just about to open his mouth and say something, anything to convince his brother that what he said under the influence wasn't how he really felt, when his cell rang. Dean looked up, and abandoned his duffel and began to head outside, mumbling "I'll give you some privacy."

"Dean." he started but the door closed softly without his brother hearing. He looked down at the display and found that it was Ruby. He bit his lip, shuffled his feet and answered the phone.

"Yeah Ruby?"

"There are some players in Georgia."

"I know. Dean and I are on our way."

"What?"

"He's looking for demons to hunt now."

"But…."

"We've hunted three in the last month, and every time we find one, he helps me trap it, and then he leaves the room and lets me do my psychic thing, and he helps me with the person and doesn't say a word."

"What the hell happened?"

"You happened."

"What?"

Sam snorted. "I listened to you. I did what you said. I became the monster. I let the evil inside of me manifest and I became evil."

"Sam.." She sounded impatient. The way she always sounded when he told her he worried about turning into something that he wasn't. Dean never did. He always said that he would save him, but Ruby never did, she just promised that what he was doing would save lives and the less time he spent bellyaching the more people he could save. He had been such an idiot back then.

"No. It's true. I'm a horrible monster. Doesn't matter if I use my psychic crap or not. I deserve to go to hell for what I've done. So what does succumbing to a little demonic power matter anymore? We'll be there." He turned off the phone, finished collecting their things and left the room. Dean was in the passenger's seat, his new usual spot, watching out of the window, dejection still clearly etched on his features and waited for his brother to start driving.

They were two hours out and there had been complete silence from Dean. Sam looked down at the tape deck and found that he really wanted to hear some AC/DC something, anything that made him think of his brother.

"You can put in a tape you know?" Sam said softly. Green eyes swiveled to Sam.

"Driver picks the music." He said as a reminder.

"Why aren't you driving?" Sam asked.

"Little brothers sit in the passenger's seat." Sam felt like he had been sucker punched in the stomach.

"What?" He asked.

"You're stronger and smarter than I am. It's a fact. So, therefore that makes me the weaker one, the one that needs protecting, that is the little brother position."

"What the hell Dean. Quit…"

"Feeling sorry for myself?" Sam swallowed realizing that those were his own words. "I don't. I'm just being the good tag along and keeping my mouth shut and doing what I'm told."

"Dean…"

"Ruby have a good lead?"

Sam sighed and gritted his teeth. "We need to talk about this Dean."

"Nothing to say. Ruby have a lead?"

"Dean.."

"Sam. If you aren't going to talk about the hunt, I don't want to talk anymore."

"Ruby said that there were players in Georgia." He said deciding that talking to Dean about anything was better than not talking.

"So, I was right." Dean nodded. "Good to know. I'm going to take a nap." He said and laid his head against the door. "Wake me up when we get there."

Sam took a deep breath and looked at his brother and wished that he could go back and what? Say those things over again? Because that was what was going to happen. The siren had them. There was nothing he could have done.

The drive to the job wasn't terrible, but it most certainly wasn't the most entertaining one he had ever been on. However, it was slowly becoming the norm for the brothers. Dean woke up several times from nightmares and he refused to look at Sam and he would sit straight up, calm his breathing, get a bottle of water from the cooler in the back seat and down it. He would stay awake for an hour or so, never saying anything to Sam, because he didn't speak to Sam anymore. They talked jobs but they didn't speak. No conversations about the weather, Bobby, the past, the future, opinions on music, or the people they met. Nothing. It was like being in a car with a silent stranger.

"You okay?" Sam asked after the third time Dean woke up from a bad dream.

"Fine."

"Dean."

"I'm fine. Leave me alone." Sam pressed his lips together and sighed inwardly.

"We are almost there. Ruby called while you were sleeping….she is meeting us at a warehouse that she is going to lure the demon to."

"Want me to wait in the motel room?"

"What?"

"Ruby has your back, you've got hers. I'll be in the way."

"She's not staying."

"Why not?"

Sam grew flustered. "I don't know. She's just not. She never stays when she throws us a tip like this." Dean nodded.

"Kay."

"Nothing else?"

Dean shrugged. "What else should I say?"

"No argument?"

"What's the point?"

"It's what we are supposed to do."

"I give up. I'll just do whatever you say."

"Dean."

"Shut up Sam. I just don't want to hear your voice." Dean said and continued to stare out of the window. Sam wanted to scream. His shoulders tensed as they arrived at their destination, and he gave what Dean wanted, his silence.

They arrived at the warehouse and as promised, Ruby delivered the demon right to them, and Dean did his part of the job, allowed himself to get beat to hell and force the demon into the devil's trap.

"So you do grunt work now Dean?" the demon asked with a smirk. "Seems nothing has changed for you. You did Alistair's grunt work in the pit, and you come back home and do more grunt work for demons. You always thought you were just so special, so different, and look, your brother here is just as demonic as the rest of us, and he broke you just like we did." The demon laughed and Dean pulled the ropes tighter. "Sam, you liking this new and improved softer Dean? We break him enough for you?"

"Shut up."

"Oh come on now Sammy. You can't tell me that you aren't enjoying a compliant Dean. He was so strong willed when he came to us. So full of himself, so cocky and self assured. It took ten years for him to start begging. You ever heard him beg? Oh yeah, I'm sure you have. He's so weak, he'll beg for anything if you apply the right pressure. Isn't it a sweet sound?"

"I said shut up." Sam was veritably shaking with rage at this point.

"Quit pretending. You know you like it. You know you like him bending to your will. It's part of the whole demon package."

"I am not a demon."

"Oh that is simply a technicality at this point. You'll get your eyes soon enough. Don't worry Sammy. There is a special place in hell just for you."

Dean punched the man square in the jaw, and it startled the demon. "Do not say things like that about my brother."

"Well, well, well, Dean. Seems as if you need a little bit more breaking. Still a little arrogant."

"Shut up." Dean said and began reciting the exorcism that he had neglected to memorize before his trip downstairs. After Sam had proclaimed him dumb, he had spent every second he had to spare memorizing ancient texts, exorcisms and anything else he deemed necessary. While Sam was out with Ruby one evening he downloaded a list of required reading for honors English at one of the schools they had attended over the years and he went out and bought one of the books, and he started to read them. Dean didn't want his brother to think he was stupid. He took a breath and continued to recite the three page exorcism verbatim and with perfect pronunciation. It took an hour but Dean got that demon out of the man tied to the chair. He did it, without anyone's help, without his brother, and without fear.

All noise ceased when the demon was expelled from the man. Dean went directly to him and felt for a pulse.

"He's alive." Dean said in a horse whisper. Sam hurried over the devil's trap and helped Dean get him up.

"Where am I?" Sam looked up at Dean and Dean helped get the man into his brother's arms.

"You'll be okay. Just a little mishap. We'll get you to a hospital."

"My wife?"

"I'm sure she's okay sir." Dean said and held the door for Sam.

It was almost dawn by the time they were showered and ready for sleep. Dean was putting his clothes in his duffel when Sam decided now was the best time to say something. "Dean…about today."

"I know. You thought I was too stupid."

"No I never…"

"You said you were smarter, and you are. I just memorized it because I can't protect myself. I just…just…whatever. I'm going to bed."

"Dean. I've been trying to apologize."

"What's the point Sam?"

"What?"

"I mean…I get it. I really do. What I don't get is why you haven't ditched me yet."

"What?"

"If you really feel that way about me….why haven't you just dropped me off at Bobby's. It would make sense, and I wouldn't even be mad." Sam swallowed.

"I don't want to ditch you. I didn't mean…"

"You did. Because I meant what I said to you."

"Dean. We aren't okay."

"I know we aren't Sam. It will be quite a while until we are. If ever."

"I don't like this."

"Me either. Probably would have been easier for me to stay in the pit."

"Easier for who?"

"Everyone."

"But you were suffering."

"I'm suffering here too Sam. This between us….this has always been my greatest fear. Losing you. And I did. I lost you. It's worse than the pit. I'm alone completely now. The scenery just changed. That's all Sam." Dean sighed and got into his bed and turned off the lights. Dean rolled over away from the windows away from Sam and could have sworn he heard "It's Sammy."


End file.
